Good morning, loves —
I am writing from the dark days of winter, but with an eye toward the Spring.
Maybe you know what that feels like.
At our latest gathering for the Empowerment Mastermind, it got real. We were focused on love, but what came up a lot was sadness.
Pain of loves that feel lost, or broken, or tense right now. Regrets. Things we wish we had said differently. Losses we are still coming to grips with. Stressful life things like doctor visits, and legal muck, and overall feelings of UGH.
For February — our month of love — I had crafted an involved, love-filled set of meditations & a workbook & instructions on connecting to our bodies and our souls with love. It was filled with the kind of work that feels good to do when you are ready to dive in deep.
And it was all great, if that is the place that you’re at.
If you have the bandwidth to carve out time for a bubble bath and a poem,
or for time to deeply journal,
or to explore your relationship to your body more fully and truly relax…
YES, do it. I can help you. There’s a whole freaking workbook. 😉
But what if that feels too hard?
What if we are in that place of just, ugh.
And even asking ourselves how we feel seems too hard.
Sometimes we are in our darkest nights, or are feeling so disconnected, or just *off* that even the thought of clearing the space to do the work of tuning in to ourselves (even when we know it would feel good) is too much.
I’ve so been there.
In the throes of a big, bad break up,
or recovering in the hospital,
or in the depths of sadness after losing my brother,
I remember feeling like I was too sad to even really know what I wanted.
And I had a million feelings at once.
I felt guilty and angry and grief-stricken and I was drinking too much wine and barely held myself together. What I needed was to be with my community, but it felt overwhelming to answer endless streams of “how are you, really?”s. What I needed was to get quiet with my journal and let the tears come, but I was afraid they’d never stop. I got through work I was supposed to do, and let friends drop by, but overall I felt flaky and absent and hurting and just felt out of touch with myself. Like I was a country I had lost my way around in, and I was struggling so hard just to find a table to rest at and have a cup of coffee.
So, I wanted to share something small.
Something that might feel like a bridge between an ideal of zen mastery over our sadness and the realities of scrolling through an ipohne at 2amexhausted and heart-heavy and binging on pretzels.
>>>The non-ritual, for the non-ready, with the not much
Carve out just five minutes.
If it feels like that is just impossible, imagine that this five minutes is the last woo-woo thing you’ll ever make yourself do, and that you won’t have to spend any more time than that on it. Just five minutes. If it feels safer, you can even set a timer on your phone.
Light a candle in front of you, and watch it burn for a little while.
Then, simply ask the fire to burn away whatever isn’t serving you.
Burn away whatever can go.
Burn away whatever is stuck on me.
Burn away whatever isn’t letting me be free, or at peace, or myself.
And just watch the fire for as long as you want.
You don’t need to meditate. (Though this is a meditation.)
You don’t need to pray. (Though this is a prayer.)
You don’t need to create an elaborate morning ritual or schedule an expensive massage or blend your own green smoothie or master a backbend. (Though those are all amazing.)
You don’t even need to feel fully present. This is for the moments in our lives when feeling fully present is hard, or impossible, or makes us angry. When we just want to numb out or sit in our bad habits or stay away from anything that would force us to feel.
And a candle.
And a flame that is here to reveal.
Your winter will end, like all winters end.
Your Spring will bloom, maybe slowly, maybe out of sync with your hemisphere’s seasons, maybe out of sync with what you and everyone in your life expects.
But that is part of what winter teaches us: that the dead and frosted parts of life take their time, and then they melt away.
And then the flowers come.
If and when you are ready to think about blooming,
Because I am so ready for Spring.
What do you need to bloom and grow in the coming months?
A dive into your playful, crafty side?
To tend to your body & beauty?
Engaging with your righteous babe feminist rebel self?
There is a place for all those parts of you, here.
In new classes online, in new coaching offerings for women & for couples, and in the earliest inklings of the next round of the Empowerment Mastermind, filled to the brim with inspiration, genius guest teachers, and of course, presents.
What sounds good to you?
How does your garden grow?