Oh. My. Goddess.

Once upon a time I worked in Italy for a summer, soaking up the sun and the Ciao, bellas with my best friend and a daily cappuccino.

I had never felt more beautiful than I did in Italy.

Every day I literally was called beautiful, by strangers. And, luckily, it never felt unsafe. It never even felt like they wanted me to stop and talk to them. It just felt like they were acknowledging, as I walked by, that I had taken a few steps toward striking la bella figura that morning, and it almost felt like a thank you note for brightening their day. Thank you for waking up and doing this whole thing all over again. Thank you for walking past me. Thank you.


It made me think so many thoughts.

Continue reading “Oh. My. Goddess.”

What does it mean to be a woman?

Today is international women’s day.
It’s a day we are celebrating and clearing and creating awareness around the things that matter when it comes to women, in all our forms.

One of the most radical questions we can ask is how are you right now?

Are you feeling anxious?
Pissed off?

A secret: Sometimes hope doesn’t look like hope.


Continue reading “What does it mean to be a woman?”

When Spring is beckoning…

Good morning, loves —

I am writing from the dark days of winter, but with an eye toward the Spring.

Maybe you know what that feels like.

At our latest gathering for the Empowerment Mastermind, it got real. We were focused on love, but what came up a lot was sadness.

Pain of loves that feel lost, or broken, or tense right now. Regrets. Things we wish we had said differently. Losses we are still coming to grips with. Stressful life things like doctor visits, and legal muck, and overall feelings of UGH.

For February — our month of love — I had crafted an involved, love-filled set of meditations & a workbook & instructions on connecting to our bodies and our souls with love. It was filled with the kind of work that feels good to do when you are ready to dive in deep.

And it was all great, if that is the place that you’re at.

If you have the bandwidth to carve out time for a bubble bath and a poem,
or for time to deeply journal,
or to explore your relationship to your body more fully and truly relax…
YES, do it. I can help you. There’s a whole freaking workbook. 😉

But what if that feels too hard?

What if we are in that place of just, ugh.
And even asking ourselves how we feel seems too hard.

Sometimes we are in our darkest nights, or are feeling so disconnected, or just *off* that even the thought of clearing the space to do the work of tuning in to ourselves (even when we know it would feel good) is too much.

I’ve so been there.

In the throes of a big, bad break up,
or recovering in the hospital,
or in the depths of sadness after losing my brother,

I remember feeling like I was too sad to even really know what I wanted.

And I had a million feelings at once.

I felt guilty and angry and grief-stricken and I was drinking too much wine and barely held myself together. What I needed was to be with my community, but it felt overwhelming to answer endless streams of “how are you, really?”s. What I needed was to get quiet with my journal and let the tears come, but I was afraid they’d never stop. I got through work I was supposed to do, and let friends drop by, but overall I felt flaky and absent and hurting and just felt out of touch with myself. Like I was a country I had lost my way around in, and I was struggling so hard just to find a table to rest at and have a cup of coffee.

So, I wanted to share something small.

Something that might feel like a bridge between an ideal of zen mastery over our sadness and the realities of scrolling through an ipohne at 2amexhausted and heart-heavy and binging on pretzels.
You know.

>>>The non-ritual, for the non-ready, with the not much

Carve out just five minutes.

If it feels like that is just impossible, imagine that this five minutes is the last woo-woo thing you’ll ever make yourself do, and that you won’t have to spend any more time than that on it. Just five minutes. If it feels safer, you can even set a timer on your phone.

Light a candle in front of you, and watch it burn for a little while.

Then, simply ask the fire to burn away whatever isn’t serving you.

Burn away whatever can go.

Burn away whatever is stuck on me.

Burn away whatever isn’t letting me be free, or at peace, or myself.

And just watch the fire for as long as you want.

You don’t need to meditate. (Though this is a meditation.)

You don’t need to pray. (Though this is a prayer.)

You don’t need to create an elaborate morning ritual or schedule an expensive massage or blend your own green smoothie or master a backbend. (Though those are all amazing.)

You don’t even need to feel fully present. This is for the moments in our lives when feeling fully present is hard, or impossible, or makes us angry. When we just want to numb out or sit in our bad habits or stay away from anything that would force us to feel.

Just you.
And a candle.
And a flame that is here to reveal.

Your winter will end, like all winters end.
Your Spring will bloom, maybe slowly, maybe out of sync with your hemisphere’s seasons, maybe out of sync with what you and everyone in your life expects.
But that is part of what winter teaches us: that the dead and frosted parts of life take their time, and then they melt away.

And then the flowers come.

If and when you are ready to think about blooming,
join me.

Because I am so ready for Spring.


What do you need to bloom and grow in the coming months?
A dive into your playful, crafty side?
To tend to your body & beauty?
Engaging with your righteous babe feminist rebel self?

There is a place for all those parts of you, here. 

In new classes online, in new coaching offerings for women & for couples, and in the earliest inklings of the next round of the Empowerment Mastermind, filled to the brim with inspiration, genius guest teachers, and of course, presents.

What sounds good to you?
How does your garden grow?

you are the icing AND the cake

Once upon a time, I took myself out on the perfect date. I put on a vintage black dress with a twirly skirt, grabbed a book of Lorrie Moore short stories, ordered risotto at a candle lit restaurant, and then walked to the movies. I came home and took a bubble bath.

And felt absolutely divine.

What does your perfect date night include?

And what would it look like to go, just you, this weekend?

To spend the evening dreaming of your next vacation, or chatting with a stranger, or lost in a novel?

To order exactly what you want for dessert?

To go just where you please, and get there with all the time you want?

This is a manifesto in favor of valentines. Not the kind you give out to everyone in class, or even the perfect romance and its delightful dates. But about being a valentine to yourself, about really being so kind, and so generous, and so playful as you set up life to treat… you.

You are your sweetest valentine. 


Continue reading “you are the icing AND the cake”

The Year of the Rising Woman

In Feminist Theory, a core component of the LONGING for revolution has to do with the damage that imbalanced power does to everyone, not just women.

That any system that puts some people on top of others, controlling more resources, maintaining more power, calling more shots, is not only harmful to the folks on the bottom, but actually: it is harmful to the people on top, too.


Continue reading “The Year of the Rising Woman”

On Virgins, On Whores: Mary and Merry Christmas

Right now.

I am cozy by a fire in plaid pajamas, meant as a Christmas gift but busted out early by a kind mama who knew I was feeling a little under the weather.

Right now. 

Curled up with a good book and a cup of coffee from an espresso machine so sleek I feel like it may come with a matching vespa.

It’s Christmas Eve.


For a long time, it was one of my busiest days of the year.

I sang in a church choir, in my sparkliest sparkles, and played Mother Mary in the living Nativity, lovingly staring down into a shining lightbulb in a manger. I was attuned to the divine early on, longing for connections to the universe, to the stars, to God. So enchanted by heaven, and romanced by spirituality.

I wasn’t always in the business of seeking answers, but I was always ready to wrap myself up in the questions.

Right now. 

I feel so much compassion and love for that little holy roller, with her earnest face and her carefully chosen outfits.

And, I think she was on to something.

This life has a magic to it.

We are all on a path with that magic, leaning toward it, leaning away. Trying to make sense of it, or letting it circle around us in mysterious stars that we don’t try to understand, but just receive.

Maybe you believe that that magic comes from holding hands in the dark night, braving the cosmos with someone you love, and that all we have for sure is today, this breath. And it can feel beautiful and holy to feel so small against the backdrop of our mysterious and unfolding universe. That we are small and random. That the galaxy is beautiful and terrifying.

And maybe you see a magic from tradition, from circling up through the ages, near stained glass or under veils or over welcoming dinners every week.

Maybe you believe that we light candles night after night, honoring the dark but piercing it, together, with hope against all the odds.

Maybe you believe that it gets darker and darker, and then a baby is born and everything changes.

I believe in magic. 


Most of us are familiar with the Christmas story, whether tonight is sacred to us or not.

A stable.

A manger.

An angel.

And a girl who we celebrate as a mother & a virgin, but in the story, when she turns up pregnant and unmarried, is not so popular.

Part of a chain of not-so-popular women in the holy texts of our religious traditions.

This is where it is helpful to mix religious longing with a healthy side of feminist theory.


Mother, or Magdalene.

She is either the sacred mother, or the scarlet letter.

A binary we know so, so well.

If you live in the United States in a body that is coded as FEMALE, even if you have not bought into this, some piece of it has most likely bought its way into you.

This is what the feminist scholars call a “double bind.”

We all know we can’t win playing this game.

And that’s when it is helpful to scramble the categories a little.

To feel into a mother Mary who is just a freaked out unwed teenage mother, trusting that her body knows what it is doing. Brave, holy, uncertain — just like us.

And that Mary Magdalene was just a seeker too. Devoted, passionate, longing to touch the sacred — just like us.


Then, against all the odds, this season can be an invitation to connect with the divinely feminine within.

To place a hand on your belly, or wrap your arms around yourself, and close your eyes, and whisper:

You are good. 

Not for obeying, or attending, or abstaining, or giving the right way.
But just for being.
Just because.